Minutes turn to hours. Hours turn to day. Day turn to week. Week turn to months. Finally the month for me to start studying. Over and over again I reminded myself not to give in to any challenges that awaits me. I will endure all these hardship and gain my victory. I just can't wait to see myself at the top of the mountain. Or should i say at the highest storey of a building.

A few days ago I went to shopping hopefully to get all my stuff ready. Unfortunately everyone was so busy. That leave this eager girl to go shopping alone. It was a last minute plan for me. I list down all the places that I wanted to go and not being BOTHERED. In the end I came upon Causeway point. It's the only place that was probably not crowded with teens like me. I asked my friend the bus that went to Woodlands. The very next day this eager girl became a much more independent and advantageous young adults.

When I arrived,immediately I look for my shoes. I went to all the shops but there are none that spurge my interest. I REALLY WANTED A PURPLE BLACK SHOE. Too bad it was out of stock.
This leave the heart broken girl to look for her school bag. Again her heart was knock into pieces. All the bags are SPORTY BAG PACK eg: BILLABONG. I just want a LEATHER BAG. IS THAT TOO MUCH TOO ASK FOR.

The helpless girl haunt the whole area when suddenly a light came to her. And there standing on the shelf lay her dream bag. However when I came nearer the color of the bag turn to GIRLY PINK. It was so PINK. Its DEFINITELY NOT MY DREAM BAG. Too bad if only the color was either BLACK OR PURPLE I will pay for it without second thoughts. I decided to go back home empty handed.

In the bus, I cant clear my mind of bringing something back home. So then I pass by tampines mall for a look out. Lucky for me there is a sale at ISETAN. So I went there and was very glad that I finally found something to bring back home. It was a shoe though the color is not purple I think its still very nice. This lonely girl manage to went back home with a grin on her face.

Now all I need for my next mission is to HUNT FOR THE PERFECT BAG.

AS usual i am alone at home. But lucky me, my sis do not have any lesson at school. So she accompany me and watch movies together. Half way through the show i felt bored. And we ended up talking bout my last year at school. I just told her the fun, sad, bitter, sweet memories that I had. Then suddenly I remembered my school uniform that still hangs in my closet.

The soul-less clothe just hangs on mid-air when I open the closet. All of a sudden my hands just touch the smooth clothing and a sudden verge of energy just electrify me. I pass by my mirror and at a glance, I saw a girl wearing the soul-less uniform. . She just look at me emotionless. Her eyes were as black as charcoal and her lips is red as e blood.

Her dark aura took in charge of me. I could not move nor speak. All I did was to follow her demands. Do what she told me to do like a puppet. She glide her way through the hall. I saw my sis with a small shiny object.













I wanted her to hit the girl...but all of a sudden a white flash spark in the living room. The more flash shone the stronger the vibe coming from the girl. She became more confident in herself. I could sense that she won't give in. I try to take control but her strength pulled me down. Drowning me into the darkness.

I was in a state of shock and fear when I saw myself laying on the carpet wearing the uniform. My eyes are as black as charcoal and my lips as red as blood. I look at the mirror this time both of us appear in the mirror. She told me that she will come back for more.

Al rite people im back in black. This time EMO GOTH. MY life is NOW COMPLETE. Living total darkness and a silhouette purple shadow. Do i Sound emo?? hahahaha

Anyway thanks to feeqah my personal hairdresser. I owe many thanks to her. Last time she done my hair blond and makes me look like a JAP-ROCK. NOW thanks to her again I become EMO GOTH. SO now I see my life as total darkness. AND just like my younger sis who happens to BE emo am going to say that I WILL ONLY SMILE IN THE DARK.

PRESENT/ PREVIOUS













Aniway there are still lots of me in different version. NOW i know how our way of fashion could change our images. MAybe at the end of march a new and improve me will just wonders around this planet To my friends out there don't be surprise. Even more DON'T BE SURPRISED if i go out wearing ALL BLACK AND PURPLE OR RED SHIRTS or whatever dress that I could REACH and WEAR. I just could be UNPREDICTABLE sometimes...hehe.

But whatever images im up to...it is still me a crazie hidayah that just cant help falling in love with jap stuff especially anime and mangas. The important thing is to know my roots. Oh lord knows how many times im gonna keep on changing. hehehehe.


Ok these are the previous version of me..........


Version 7.2 / Version 9.9


Version 4.9 /Version 3.o















The new and improve................... VERSION 6.6

Again and again I can't keep counting the day to start going to school. Being at home also drives me nuts. There are nothing that I could do. Well other than watching anime i thing the rest are starting to get on my nerves. The tv program are so tsumaranai. When I want to go out, I noticed that my friends are busy. It not their fault though. We all will be busy with our new life then. Sometimes I feel like going out alone by myself but then when I look around I will feel pathetic and made me look as if im friendless.

Someone tell me what to do before school start?? At least I could end my super long holiday in a great way. So that I will not say to myself that my holidays are damn dull.

My hand are also to bored to press the button of the game console. Other than being trashed by the com. How in the world could they knew to fight back?? My eyes are tired from reading thick novels that I lend from the library.If I start reading ,I won't stop until I finish it. Sometimes I will stay up late just to finish it. So thats the disadvantages if I lend books.

OMG here I go COMPLAINING AGAIN AND AGAIN. I just need to type so that I got something worth doing then sit in front of the tv. Indeed the tv just look at me back. And my mind will not be on the show. It just wonders around hopelessly.

I guess that all I could say. By the way i just learn some Japanese word when I'm reading the novel. Guess I just learn some languages out of the blue.

Ok i guess it's time that I update my blog. I have been busy all this while. Went out almost everyday watching movies and go shopping. Then came back home late and woke up late e very next day. Now that it RAINY DAYS it ruin my freedom. I have to stay home. Next not to mention for the escape of SINGAPORE MOST WANTED MAN made me afraid to RIDE THE TRAIN. I know im being silly but just PROTECTING MYSELF from oncoming threat. Being over protective now.

By the way I got my result. Its great that they gave me the course that I am interested. So it is at Higher nitec in Simei. Of course the course is none other then Chemical technology. Okay for me I guess I still cant live with out Science. I don't have to design things that I do not wish to design. hehehe.
Somehow I am still afraid whenever I imagine myself in the big institute.
I questioned myself - Will they (students) stare at me like i'm a freak?
Will I get to make new friends?
Are there any DECENT friends ?
Will I manage to 'fit in' and cope with e course?
Can I still fulfill my parents wishes of going to poly?

These are the COMMON question that ALWAYS pop out in my mind. oh another thing after Higher nitec my parents still want me to CONTINUE STUDY. For how long?- I don't know maybe until my brains could carry me. Or course with my (NOT TO BE RUDE) STUCK UP ARROGANT relatives they surely wanted to go on further than me. So AGAIN I HAVE TO BE IN COMPATIBLE WITH THEM. OH for the cries of the MOTHER- WHY CANT THEY LEAVE ME ALONE. Its my auntS that make me HATE MY COUSINS. Sometimes I even wish that why must they be BLOODY RELATED TO MY DAD. ITS BLOODY PISSING ME OFF.

Aniwae i must thank my FRIENDS for supporting me. NOW THIS I CALL ARE TRUE RELATIVES. We know each other strength and weaknesses. And we encourage one another NOT CONDEMN each other.

IF thats the life that I have to make - PROVING MY RELATIVES WRONG, THAN IT MUST BE MY DESTINY.

PS: if u have this kind of relative dun afraid to let me know. I could be ur help